


Promises

by HurricanesatDawn



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Deathfic, M/M, Suicide, Tragic Ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-25
Updated: 2012-04-25
Packaged: 2017-11-04 07:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurricanesatDawn/pseuds/HurricanesatDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Broken promises.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promises

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shwatsonlocked](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shwatsonlocked/gifts).



You promised me. You _swore_ to me that you wouldn’t leave me like this. That you wouldn’t die on me. But then you had to go and do it anyway. You fucking arsehole. You said you’d never leave my side.

 

I was such an idiot. I was angry and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have let you leave. _I shouldn’t have made you go like that._ You’re dead and it’s all my fault.

 

Don’t you remember the plan we had? We were going to do it together. I had it all worked out. In a few years, after I’d settled everything the way I wanted it. We were going to go down to that lake, the one where we had our first date. The one we visited every year on our anniversary.

 

So many things were at that lake for us. You proposed to me there. Such a sap, you were. You bought me five dozens roses and a ring. How could I have turned you down? That look on your face. You actually thought there was a chance I’d say no. I wanted to smack you for it. Did I ever tell you that? I wanted to hit you and laugh. You wouldn’t have stopped me if I’d tried. You would have just stood there and taken it, like the bloody idiot you ~~are~~ were.

 

Fuck. You’re really gone. I haven’t cried a single tear for you. You know, I don’t think I even could. I keep denying it in my head. Saying, _‘Oh but this can’t be possible. He can’t be dead. He’s just fucking with my head. He’ll pop out later and make fun of me for getting sentimental about it’._ But you really are. You really betrayed me like that. You broke every promise you made to me. In our vows, you promised me everything. You promised me your life. What was it that they said?

 

_I, Sebastian Alexander Moran, swear on my very existence that I will live the rest of my days with James Joshua Moriarty at my side. I swear on my blood that I will never disobey an order, unless it puts him in harm’s way. I submit my heart and my life to him, for him to do as he sees fit. For I am his and he is mine, until the day we die, together. To spend eternity in each other’s arms._

 

You were always so sentimental. Did you have any idea how much those words affected me? You wouldn’t let me see them until you said them to me. You looked me in the eyes, in that gorgeous suit of yours, your face was so open and desperate. By the time you’d finished, my ears were buzzing and my knees actually started to feel weak. You grabbed me by the shoulders and said that you loved me.

 

Jesusfuck. Now you’re turning _me_ into an idiotic sap. Stop it, just stop it. Stop doing this to me. I don’t want it to hurt like this anymore. I don’t want to feel this way, without you. Your place is here, with me, holding me in your arms and never letting go.

 

I would give _everything_ to get you back. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t destroy or give away if it could change the past.

 

If only go back to that day. If I could only have smiled at you when you’d stumbled out of bed looking like you’d rolled out of hell. I should have kissed you on the cheek and sent you back to our room to rest. But I didn’t. _I fucking didn’t._ I made you go to work because your face was irritating me.

 

Oh god, your face. Your adorable little face with those dimples that showed up when I made you smile. I loved those dimples so much. They were so perfect, they fit you so well. ~~Why did you have to die on me, Seb?~~ I just want to run up to you again and shower your face with kisses.

 

I’m sorry. I’ve never said that to anyone. But I am. I’m so fucking sorry for everything. Just fucking come back to me already. Haven’t you done enough? First you had to do this, you had to make me fall for you, you had to keep me around with you. When that wasn’t enough for you, you had to go and fucking leave me too.

 

I wish we could have died together. At the lake. It would have been so perfect. Just you and me. We would have tied weights around each other’s necks, around each other’s bodies. You and me, we would have walked in together. Or jumped. I considered the idea of us jumping from one of my planes. Oh the splash we would have made. It would have been wonderful. You would have kissed me as we went down, underneath the surface of the water.

 

The perfect way to die. Your lips pressed against mine, our bodies wrapped up tightly to each other. The water rushing over our heads as we used our last breaths to kiss ourselves to sleep. It would have been perfect.

 

You stole that from me. _I stole that from me._ If I could take it back, I would. It’s not okay, not in the slightest. But it will be. Because I’ve figured out a way to fix things. They won’t be the right way around, not by a longshot. But I’ve managed to salvage them.

 

You see, Sebastian. I’ve found a way to go to you, since you can’t come back to me. I’ve worked it all out. It’s perfect. You remember the rooftop where you died? I got Sherlock to use the one across from it. He’s called me to meet him there. I’m going to go. I’m going to die there. I’ll be facing where you stood when that rat put a bullet in your head.

 

I’ll watch you as I die. I’ll think of you and I’ll smile. Because I’m coming home to you at last. We’ll be together again, baby. I promise. We’ll have that eternity together. I’ve made arrangements for my body to be taken to yours. Even if there’s no afterlife, we’ll still be together.

 

So wait for me, my love. I’m coming back to you. It won’t be long now. I’ve set everything in motion, it’s all ready. I’m done with this life. I just want to be with you again.

Yours forever,  
M


End file.
